i'm still here

well, I wasn't sure if I should give up on this or not...to summarize the last month...

thanksgiving, my sister's wedding (I still don't approve), visits with family in town for said wedding, four immunizations and some resulting side effects, each kid had a sinus infection (one still does) and one has a stomach bug...

All in all, my life has been a ball of laughs lately. Oh, and I swear that my son will be the only 12 year old still pooping his pants. Between the two of them, I have cleaned up 3 poops this morning already and it is only 11. Hopefully that will be it for the day but doubtful with my son's other issues. Yesterday he puked all over the car. Beautiful I tell you. Just beautiful. I doubt that the car will ever smell the same.

As for the meds, another two increases. Yeppers...medicate myself out of misery. Still not working though. I told him last time that we ought to just start over. I don't know. I guess it isn't so bad. It is hard to say as my husband is hardly home these days and with all of the other crap going on...it could all just be from the situation and stress. I don't know how to separate stress from mood...this certainly isn't an exact science. I have started having somewhat regular panic attacks. I suppose I should mention that. Somehow I always forget to mention something. I wish he could just go through a list of questions...like a true/false test. I think that would help.

Anyway, just a post to say I am still here...still kicking...just to remind myself what was going on during this time should I want to go back and see what my mood was like on 300 mg Lamictal, 15 lexapro, 5 ambien. Oh, and ovcon 35 is SO not working for me. I have had my period for two solid weeks and there is no sign of it stopping. I am sure that is doing wonders for my mood.

On a positive note, I met a new friend. A neighbor no less. It is great to have someone very nearby who has a multitude of similar experiences and beliefs as you do. I swear all of my neighbors were cheerleaders or pep club members in a past life. They just aren't "real". The kind of people who just aren't honest with themselves about reality or something. Of course, maybe they just don't like me. Entirely possible. They just seem to have cliques and I am not a member...and it is just so adolescent. I don't really feel like dealing with it most of the time but am always pleasant because...well, they are my neighbors...what are you going to do? No use offending anyone and I don't like them much so I suppose I can't be too put out that they don't like me much either. I mean, who says that people have to like you? Some people just aren't meant to be friends, just friendly. But it is nice to have a neighbor who I can genuinely feel is a friend.

Let's see what the next month brings. Maybe things will start to skate around more smoothly.