watchful waiting

Well, the new birth control seemed to improve my mood but now I think it is just too much. I have been manic and getting aggressive and angry. "Chaos" reigns again. Aggravated. I'm not sure what to do about it. I am a little sick of going to the doctor. Between all of us, our family copays since January 1 have been about $500. That is only going to go up. I can't imagine what we would do without insurance. I'm not sure that all of the trips were worthwhile either.

Here I am...I still have abdominal pain...actually have pain on both sides now. No real reason for the pain on one side, only supposition that it was probably a cyst too. So now I am in "watchful waiting" mode. Watchful? What kind of strane thing is that. Not like you can see it...feel it burst maybe. No real risk to having it burst either. Infertility maybe but seeing as I already have two children, it isn't a terrible risk. I don't know. My main reason for agreeing to the watchful waiting mode rather than having it removed immediately is because I had just figured out the $500 number the night before and I didn't really feel like adding a hospital copay to that as well. I figured I would wait for 6 weeks and see what the next sonogram shows...then I'll decide. Every woman who I have talked to has told me that I am crazy and I should have it removed immediately. My mother-in-law (who doesn't typically work with much real information to support her claims) went on and on about how cysts will turn in to cancer if you don't have them removed. That, of course, was quite different from the information my gynecologist gave me.

Hmmm...

Watchful waiting. It is more like an endurance thing. It isn't terrible pain. More sore/discomfort. But to deal with it 24 hours a day for 6 more weeks...it really is quite annoying. And it makes me nervous. Is it getting bigger? Does it hurt more or less than it did yesterday? Or am I just tired from it hurting for so long? Does it really hurt that bad or is it just that I notice it hurting more? And why am I still getting sharp, stabbing pains on my other side? And what about my mood? What should I do? I don't want to go to any more doctors. I know that the increased dosage on my birth control is what affected my mood but I'm not interested in going to another doctor. I am fairly certain that he would just reduce my lexapro back to 10. I think I will just try that for a few days again. But if I get depressed again...my husband will kick my butt. I'm not in the mood for another lecture but I need to do something about my mood and it is expensive to go to the psychiatrist and it is difficult to get in to see him now that I am working. Oh well...time to ponder all of that again tomorrow.